


In His Image

by LePipi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Meeting, Jedi Ben Solo, Light Side AU, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-21 01:25:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11933421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LePipi/pseuds/LePipi
Summary: Ben Solo accompanies his uncle on a mission during a parliament debate. He lets his mind wander until he zeroes in on a particular thought.





	In His Image

The docking bay of Hosnian Prime’s Capital was a mass labyrinth of characters and oddities. Ben let wonder wash over him in its easy curiosity. This was his first chance at seeing the Capital of The Republic and he made himself silly with expectations.

His uncle led him on and through, making his learned passage while Ben made sure to soak everything up.

If he disappointed today, this was his last chance at seeing the planet. Well, not last, certainly, _hopefully_ , but near enough. He didn’t like thinking like that. Always infantilized by his surroundings. A padawan still, at the near age of thirty. Shameful.

But even his usual internal conflict couldn’t get the better of him just then. All those spacecraft models and their respective crew. An alliance med ship in all white, the octagonal base supported by eight crosses over, hive of white-collared men and women buzzing about the ship. Rebel personal ships, junky in a flared sense, proud pilots, lounging around them, friendly, confident. An unmistakable yet still daunting black spear. Ramp lowered with no one to guard it.

“They brought their Star Destroyer.”

“Resurgent-class Battlecruiser. They haven’t destroyed any stars yet. “

“Isn’t this an affront? Arent they carrying their stormtroopers within, in direct violation with the treaty?”

“Everything about this sham is an affront. Politics, Ben. Don’t mind them. We have a simple mission here and it’s to do with your mother’s peace of mind.” Luke smiled at him and it was a tired and worn thing.

-/-

 

Leia wasn’t there to greet them. Instead it was Poe Dameron, a difficult person for Ben. For all the wrong reasons too.

A friendly bubbly mass of easy going happiness was Poe, his mother’s right hand and the best pilot in the resistance. While the son of General Organa was a thirty year old ‘troubled’ padawan. And a damn good pilot. With nothing to show for it.

He greeted Luke with a hug and a shout of joy. Came much more subdued before him. Extended his hand but smiled warmly still. A nicety, a thing of respect. Poe learned early on about Ben’s boundaries and he respected them. He was glad for it. Yet that linger of discomfort… Of outofplaceness… As if Luke and Leia and Han had it all figured out as a happy boisterous bunch of people and then there was Ben, who just wouldn’t play along. He wished he could be hugged by Poe and not feel immediate anger. Wished he could tell loud jokes and get slapped on the back, and just get along.

Instead he smiled absently back and asked about any new mods on the ship. There were. He would be shown.

He could try and play along.

-/-

 

Poe tried three times to get her attention. It clicked on the fourth.

“Ben!”

She rushed forth as much as the chaos of her office allowed. Wrapped her arms around him and held on. Four months since last he saw her. The same special warmth enveloped him as it always did. He held on.

“You have grown so much!” The same opening as always. He hadn’t, not really.

“And that hair. You just wont give up on it will you?” He wouldn’t. She knew. She knew it was because she always asked him to cut it. He knew she knew. It didn’t matter.

“Not for all the stars in the universe.” Probably for a quarter of a star. She knew. They all knew. And it still didn’t matter.

“Well at least it’s clean. Not like your father’s greasy mop.”

“Is he here?” He didn’t want him here. Wasn’t part of the plan.

“No, no. Off. Somewhere. But we’ll meet soon. All of us! You know I’ve been planning on… It’s just things keep coming up, and the moment I think to set a date, some porg is stuck in a freezer and empire scum wants to slow cook him and you know how it is.” He didn’t. Nobody told him anything.

“Sure.”

“But how about you! How you been holding up? Luke’s been keeping me in the dark (lie) with all your training again, he won’t even tell me what you eat for dinner.”

“Not porgs.”

She laughed. Hugged him again. Held on longer than comfortable. The strain wouldn’t fix itself.

It didn’t matter.

-/-

 

The mission was like most Ben was given since the incident. Pointless. Something to do. A rattle to play with. Just keep him busy and he’ll be fine. Keep him busy until he dies.

The task was to jab at peoples minds. Seek out something spicy but don’t be obvious about. Obvious meant, don’t torture them. If he wasn’t allowed to torture they wouldn’t be getting much. But it’s the jedi way. The jedi way is to be inefficient.

All in all the scene was a welcome change. Void planets seemed to have a calling for him. There was always something Ben had to do on some remote clusterfuck of a jungle.

He found it shameful just how vibrant being in the Capital made him. He felt a genuine interest in his surroundings. Luke had them entering the parliament, a feat in itself. There were border controls on every turn. He wished he could mindtrick their way through. Luke had done it. But those were war times. These are peace times. Peace times that demanded your DNA sample to let you in and have a seat for talks.

The chamber was a colossus of light engulfed darkness. While the standard black coated all the seats, white poured in unrelentingly through the ambient lighting. It was a nasty clash that made Ben nervous. People were filling in, slowly but surely and the atmosphere thickened with each breath taken from the almost sealed dome.

“Whenever you sense something Ben, don’t hesitate to signal me. We’ll report later, but, just in case.” In case he loses himself and jabs a little too hard. Fair enough.

“Alright, uncle.”

“Master.”

“Master.”

He liked looking at the zabraks the most. Loved the idea of sporting horns on red tattooed skin. It was vicious and hardcore. And a child’s dream. No wonder they treated him like a brat.

He tried jabbing at the male one, yellow skin and proud gait.

“Not now Ben. The debate hasn’t started yet. There is no need to invade their privacy so soon.”

Frustration came and just as easily went. There was no use in trying to do anything. Even his anger wouldn’t put up a fight.

Leia came in through the back just then, flushed and frustrated.

“You boys ready for this?” She was absent, kept looking at her holo and murmuring. But she bothered enough to engage them. Ben humored her humoring them.

“As always.”

“Here’s to hoping something interesting happens.”

The chamber was almost filled at this point, the murmurs of before gradually developing into a disjointed choir.

Until a male bothan took to center stage.

And so it began. And he was free to roam.

The opening statement was some tired drivel of niceties. He found he didn’t like the bothan, named Borsk. Confident, shifty and overzealous. This wasn’t a theater for force’s sake. He didn’t even need to check him for what he was. A sad little thing hungry for performance.

Before he could even finish came a twileks insistent pounding for the floor.

There was a 20 minute scuffle about everyone waiting their turn. In the end the bothan need a one minute to finish. It was so ridiculous Ben had to smile. This was indeed enjoyable.

The Twilek, named Rekhyl gave her opening statement, “We proclaim the senate representatives in direct violation of protocol for legitimizing the First Order without debate, without vote, without-“

Now this was interesting. A mass of unintelligibility shook the room, voices of protest, agreement, it didn’t matter, you couldn’t tell which was which. There was no single thought process to concentrate on. Ben found the first order representatives in question. Two black figures standing tall, quiet.

Borsk managed to calm a quarter of the voices before giving voice to the reply. Which came from the First Order, a severe looking man he found was named Hux.

“The First Order denounces the New Republic’s monopoly on violence and legislature-“ And he was overcrowded, an anger unrivaled burst forth, Leia shouting as well, craning against the support, pouring out obscenities.

A mass of chambers enveloped the man, pointing in his face, a display of hate. And the man stood there back straight looking straight ahead and he moved his mouth, without fail, no grimace in it, no sudden emotion, except for a slow build, a calculated wave of righteousness undeterred by the violence around him. Reading anyone in the current situation proved useless. It wasn’t that everyone was emoting viciously, it was the distance between them. If he could get his hands on any one of them he could…

A sharp look from Luke shut him down fast. He tried sending exasperation his way, ‘let me have an independent thought for amusements sake’. If Luke understood him he didn’t care for it.

And again that self-loathing had to descend. He could relax here, this was all new to him, a fun situation to explore, watch and learn. He could have thoughts dammit. He could entertain thoughts without acting on them. That’s what thoughts were for. But no, it’s the jedi way to stick a pole so far up your ass you get the ass side of the force.

Things weren’t simmering down, but at least the guards had intervened, had the first order back in place, the crowds dispersing shortly after, and yet no one could get a word in for all the buzzing that simply would not stop. People were leading private arguments that wouldn’t hear the boom of the bantha’s urgency.

He tried reading him again. Desperation. Loss of control. Nobody was paying attention to him. Crybaby.

The two black clad men stood unperturbed, just as he first saw them. He jabbed at the taller one’s mind. What he found made him retreat immediately.

A strong image, himself in a dark room, wearing different, form fitting black clothes just… meditating.

He tried gaining entrance back there but his uncle cut him short.

“What did you find?”

“Nothing.” He spoke too quickly, he knew.

“Ben.”

“It was just… sexual stuff. Cut me off guard.”

-/-

 

The night was so pleasant here. The air was thick with thrumming lives, people laughing and enjoying themselves. It wasn’t a rusty urban town, had a certain grace to all of it, the subdued lights, the fragrance of shops, tall trees and wondrous flowers.

He was found wanting. He always wanted something. Except this time he had a clear fixation. He wanted an answer.

The romance of the city followed him through the hangar. For some odd reason he knew he would find him there, and not, as was customary, in holiday lodgings reserved for representatives. Certainly not when most were trying to kill him.

Compared to the morning’s bustle the eerie quietude was distressing. The lone echoes were all coming from the empty looking deathship that was the first order’s home. The faint clink-clanks were almost a beckoning, beguiling him to come and see. The ramp was still lowered, open display of pride, pure posturing.

He found himself growing more and more acute to the force as he neared. As if it tried telling him something. Something thick and rich, waiting to envelop him.

He reveled in the insanity of it all.

Hesitated, then took a step. And another. And before his mind could compute, he was on the platform facing three wide hallways. And before he could take another step left, a sound on his right had a blaster pointed at him.

“What’s your business here?”

“I want to see the general.”

“Who are you to see the general?”

“Ben Solo.”

-/-

 

His name was better than a mind trick most of the time. It was infuriating.

The consensus was a strange one. Instead of having the general sent over, as was customary and sane, they decided on taking a jedi for a walk through the homebase of the first order. Either they were overconfident or just plain stupid. A combination of both most likely.

Not that Ben complained. He felt a sort of childish glee that he got where most people never would. Not unless it was their death sentence. But he wasn’t worried about that. He wasn’t worried about anything strangely enough. He felt, well not safe, but he never felt safe. He felt at ease. Like this whole day was a spectacle and he wanted audience participation. Found himself waving from the nosebleeds trying to get a reaction.

And he did.

He was taken to the bridge, the center stage that was the first order. Officers in full regalia occupied that grand scene of death machinery. And there was Ben Solo with his floppy hair and tan robes, faced by a legion of death stares. In the middle facing him was the general. Hux.

“Here he is ,sir.” The officer saluted.

“Noted. What demands my attention, jedi?” Brusque, biting words, not a shred of emotion, no curiosity beyond immediate concerns.

He felt waning.

“Could we talk in private?”

This got their attention. A subtle shift in mood. Concern for their general. How sweet.

“Leave us.” To his credit there was not a hint of hesitation. No pause to reflect, to calculate. This man was durasteel made.

The crew dispersed at leisure, making sure to envelop him as they passed behind. Hate. Noted.

“Speak.” Barked the general. Something wasn’t fair here. Back straight, hands laced behind, face shadowed by that cap. He wanted more.

“May I approach?”

“You may.” His voice seemed to have that one inflection.

“Aren’t you going to have me searched?”

“No.”

Ah, so this was their game.

He couldn’t help a small smile. Just a harmless thing. This was going surprisingly smoothly, he didn’t want to spoil it with his crooked face.

He took a stand as soon as he was able to consider the finer details of the man. Green eyes, red hair, freckles. Such a severe face. All sharp lines, scowling, unblinking.

“Speak, then.”

But this felt wrong. This wasn’t fun at all. He pushed so far, he wanted to see how much more they would let him.

“Not here. Not now. Tomorrow.

This got a reaction. Just a jolt of energy.

He wanted more of that. More reactions, something, a response.

“At four in the afternoon. In the gardens. I’ll rent a villa.”

“I’m afraid you’ll find them occupied given this-“

“I’ll have it.” Spike of anger. Doesn’t like being interrupted. A simmer of pleasure. Likes being challenged. And Ben found he liked all of it.

“We’ll have supper. Wine and fruits. Wear light clothing.”

“I prefer whiskey.” The man wouldn’t falter. Not a change of pace, of expression.

“I’ll have that, too.”

A pause. He projected such a charged energy.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, jedi.”

“I’m glad of it, general.”

-/-

 

 The walk home was a warmth, a joy at his surroundings, as if he was a part of it all. As if his enjoyment was a part of the general vibe of closeness. He reeled back his personal film to examine what he saw, what he felt.

And then there was his uncle, in his own chambers, frowning, waiting for him, a bratty child who went sneaking out at night.

“Ben, where were you?” The haughtiness of the man.

“Out.”

“Out where?”

“About! Sight-seeing. First populated place you’ve let me near in a year, uncle. Just out!”

This cut some of the anger back. They had this idea they might have overdone it with the isolation they put him through. Yeah, no shit. Worse was having to let them make their mistakes with him in hopes that someday they might just let him go. There’s no fixing him. Just leave it.

“All right. All right, Ben. I just wanted to make sure nothing disturbed you.”

That special breed of hate he had for them came edging at the tips of his consciousness. He couldn’t let him know that. Simmer back and back, deep, deep breaths, oceans, rivers, dust, snow, himself meditating in a dark room…

That one. That last one. Calm.

“I’m fine. I was just enjoying the night.” That did it. Luke smiled, sensing the truth in his statement.

“Good. I’m glad you did. I’ll let you refresh yourself. You might want to come down later, Leia might be joining us for a sit down.”

Might.

“Sure.”

-/-

 

He couldn’t let their smothering ruin this fine evening. There was an almost, not-quite freedom here.

Pathetic.

He just missed hearing voices that weren’t his family, weren’t the resistance crew. All well-known, _well-loved_ voices, but always them. Always the same tired drivel. You must, you must, you _must_!

And he can’t and can’t and _can’t_.

The water felt good, comforting. Luke warm in the stifling of his room. He wanted to be out there. In the cafes. Approaching people, _being_ approached. Just another face, a funny looking guy, harmless.

He wanted tomorrow most of all.

It was insane really.

If they found out they would… Act out. Throw a tantrum. How could he? What was he thinking? Was he sympathizing with the enemy? Did he plan on becoming a sith? Was he feeling the dark side?

He just saw himself calm in another man’s mind. That was it.

It got him thinking on his style of clothing. What would he wear? He smiled broadly to himself, hands lathering his hair. This was all so new, so fun.

He wouldn’t wear black clothes. Didn’t want to subconsciously influence the other man’s fantasy. Or maybe he should? Give him a nudge, make an explanation know itself.

He would wear his tabards. The general wore a uniform designed to make him broader, sharper. He could challenge that notion.

Or maybe just his white tunic, strapped in tight about the waist with that broad leather belt he rarely wore. He was larger than him. Almost the same height, but much too narrow to compare.

This wasn’t right. None of it was. He was being a spoiled brat starved for attention.

Or maybe just a grown man approaching another for an evening. That’s what normal people did.

Nothing about him was normal.

But he could have that one day.

He would make it so.

-/-

 

The General was right about everything being occupied. The richest of the senators had spread themselves over the whole region that where the gardens. That just wouldn’t do.

A slight of hand here and there and he had himself a villa.

He picked the yellow bricked one. It seemed beaten with time, sort of ancient. Inspecting the insides he found blue walls and more beds and toiletries than necessary. One last man to trick to have it all cleaned. He didn’t want the general feeling like an imposter. Which he was, just by his very presence on the capital. This way he’d have him at ease.

The food was all wrong too. Heavy meats and sloppy desserts. He found himself annoyed and even concerned. He was fretting. Smiled privately at the notion.

He’d decided then to make everything perfect and present himself as such, and if anyone would ruin the evening it would have to be Hux. He’d be happy knowing he could host an evening to the best of his abilities. And if the general decided to test his jedi powers, then fine. He’d be a hero of the republic. And if not, and they could converse and… Either way the outcome was a positive one.

He was checking the trails for any leftover garbage the cream of society left after themselves. It was infuriating really, the level of disrespect. He even found condoms. Disgusting. Repulsive. He couldn’t let that prim and proper spear of a man be exposed to this filth. Funnily enough, this had to be the man’s first foray into the republic’s capital, much as him. Him, the son of a senator, and Hux, the enemy of the republic. Funny, funny…

He just didn’t want to leave a bad impression. Didn’t want anyone else leaving a bad impression for him. The general wasn’t exposed to the private goings of the resistance and the jedi order, and wouldn’t have known of the… impression they have made of him.

He was kneeling by one of the pools, fingers trailing the water, when he sensed the man. A force field really. He looked up and there he was, making his way through the short maze of wilderness.

This one was playing a much more dangerous game.

A bottle green tunic, short sleeved, barely holding on to the narrow shoulders, embraced him in a shimmer, bound by leather belts. Lovely long legs fell exposed beneath the short cloth, wrapped in an intricate mesh of sandals that reached bellow the knees. He looked a warrior prince, and was all too gorgeous for innocence.

“Pardon my lateness, I had some… difficulty making it unnoticed.”

“You didn’t have to hide.”

“You gave me instructions on where to be, not an offer to take me. I took it to mean so.”

He made the right call. Ben just didn’t want to come off as weak, as unwilling. He wouldn’t want to hide the look of this man, this proud general, softened so easily when stripped of armor.

“I’m glad you came.”

It was the first thing that came to mind, looking him over, drinking him in. He was oh so glad a man like that would be spending time with him. A dangerous, lovely man.

“Glad you managed to secure a place for us. Wouldn’t want to surprise high society with my evil visage.”

Ben smiled, suppressed a laugh quickly, bewildered by the absurdity of it all.

“Would you…” He offered his elbow, taken in by the situation, suddenly afraid.

“How chivalrous.” But he did as asked, wrapping his arm into the crux of the jedi’s.

Ben couldn’t help smiling, reveling in it. He knew the general was playing him, and he was so good in his role. So good in fact, he seemed to be suppressing enjoyment. That was the truth of it anyway. And made Ben glad that neither of them could hold off completely.

“How do you find the capital?”

The general’s curiosity couldn’t be sated as he gazed from that tree over there, to pink flowers over here, to the pool out front. He didn’t feel bad for jabbing him. The man could be planning to kill him. No moral dilemma here. But all he found was a sort of stifled enjoyment, as if here aggravated at feeling pleased. He understood, all too well.

“I still haven’t seen much of it I’m afraid. This is my first outing here.”

“And the gardens? Do you like them?”

“Yes.” He sent a glance up at him. Trepidation. Warmth. A tinge of want.

He inhaled deeply. That’s enough.

“Take a seat if you’d like. I have your whiskey here.”

Here came the uncertainty. He wasn’t well versed at all in alcohols. It was forbidden. And frankly terrifying that you consciousness could ever be so altered by a simple drink. But he also knew that out in the real world, it really wasn’t a big deal. In fact it was considered weird not to drink. He just hoped that it wasn’t considered cheap stuff.

“Thank you.” He took the offered glass with a small smile, turning to look around once more. Ben was so strangely happy to feel that emanating joy. He’d never had the chance to give to someone. He felt bold, in charge.

“There’s a white peacock somewhere around here.”

“Where? I haven’t seen one in ages.”

“Here.” He put an arm round that slim waist, let his hand rest on the small of the back, led him to the terrace overlooking the rest of the grounds. The general was scared. So was he.

“Solo… What did you want to discuss with me?”

He let his hand snake a trail of a grasp and let go.

“Back there in the parliament… You said something about monopoly on violence.”It wasn’t backing out. He just didn’t want to broach the subject just yet.

“Before I was shut down, yes.”

“What did you mean by that?”

He grimaced, a flicker of a nerve at work on his mouth. He didn’t like that.

“The notion that an opposition has to ask for permission to exist is a violence.”

“An opposition has to be one of democracy.”

“Precisely my issue with their monopoly.”

So sharp was he. Indomitable was the word. Perched on the rail, drink in hand, that shimmering almost see through tunic of his, and he radiated power. He inspired jealousy. Want.

“Walking in unarmed. Leaving your ship open. That’s smart.”

“Isn’t it.”

“Invite violence and make martyrs of yourselves.”

The general smiled a wicked thing. A slip of cloth revealed his pale shoulder. A thin strip of black lace hung there. He reached out a trembling hand to make it right again.

“Let me in your ship. Accepted my invitation. Came before me, alone.”

“You wont hurt me.”

“I wont, Hux.”

“I’m glad of it, Solo.”

**Author's Note:**

> I put references to depression because I don't want to pretend to divulge a characters mental state in 4000 words when this is a pairing specific fic lol. Ben's going through that lethargic depressive period where nothing interests you, you just let things happen to you, couldn't care less if you died etc. This fic is just a snippet in what would be an alternative universe. And further, if its up to your liking I'll develop it further. I'm just unsure of whether it hold's a persons interest, so that's why I'm giving you a sort of prologue.


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